Abuse

How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship and Know When It’s Time to Leave

“Your heart knows the way. Run in that direction.” ~Rumi
Have you ever found yourself questioning the health of your relationship, unsure if what you’re experiencing is normal or if it’s veering into toxic territory? It’s a common dilemma that many of us face at some point in our lives.
But how do we know when it’s time to walk away?
Toxic relationships can be insidious, often starting out innocently enough before gradually morphing into something destructive and harmful. The warning signs may be subtle at first, but they can become impossible to ignore over time.
Flashback to 2016, I … …

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5 Things I Did Because I Didn’t Feel Good Enough and What I Do Now Instead

“You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ~Louise Hay
Since I was a little girl, I believed there was something fundamentally wrong with me.
So I was always trying to find a way to fix myself and be worthy. To feel good enough.
No baby is born thinking they aren’t worthy, and neither was I—or you.
This came from our early beginnings.
I had a very traumatized dad, who I now understand was struggling with his own pain from his childhood.
He would lose his temper … …

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I Forgive Forcefully (An Act That Takes Great Strength)

“You don’t have to rebuild a relationship with everyone you have forgiven.” ~Unknown
“Forgive” and “forcefully” are not two words I have ever joined together before.
My idea of forgiveness involved kind and gentle meekness.
Goodness.
Altruism.
Compassion.
But never forcefulness.
Well, not until I waded through the choppy waters of forgiveness after I had the courage to leave my abusive marriage.
Forgive is a Verb
Forgiving isn’t an emotion. It’s an action. It’s a process that has no time limitation or expiration date.
It can’t be ordered, demanded, or rushed.
When I first discovered that my husband had been … …

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The Friend I Couldn’t Fix: A Story of Love, Loss and Letting Go

TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of domestic violence and may be triggering to some.
“You can’t heal the people you love. You can’t make choices for them. You can’t rescue them.” ~Unknown
Every story starts at the beginning. But how far back should I go? Birth?
I was born at Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital in Camden, New Jersey, in May of 1972…just after three in the morning.
No, wait. That’s not morning. It’s still dark outside.
Forgive me. That’s an inside joke.
You see, just a few years ago a friend of thirty years came to … …

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How Childhood Bullying Influenced How I Treat Others as an Adult

“For me, that strong back is grounded confidence and boundaries. The soft front is staying vulnerable and curious. The mark of a wild heart is living out these paradoxes in our lives and not giving into the either/or BS that …
The post How Childhood Bullying Influenced How I Treat Others as an Adult appeared first on Tiny Buddha. …

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5 Ways to Heal from a Highly Critical, Controlling Parent

“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ~Louise Hay
When I was growing up, it felt like nothing was good enough for my dad. And all I longed for …
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Learning to Speak Up When You Were Taught That Your Feelings Don’t Matter

“A proper grown-up communicates clearly and assertively.”
This is something I have heard many people say.
By that definition, I wouldn’t have classed as a proper grown-up for most of my life.
There was a time when I couldn’t …
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How I’ve Stopped Letting My Unhealed Parents Define My Worth

“Detachment is not about refusing to feel or not caring or turning away from those you love. Detachment is profoundly honest, grounded firmly in the truth of what is.” ~Sharon Salzberg
A few months ago, my father informed me that …
The post How I’ve Stopped Letting My Unhealed Parents Define My Worth appeared first on Tiny Buddha. …

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How I’ve Navigated My Grief and Guilt Since Losing My Narcissistic Father

“One of the greatest awakenings comes when you realize that not everybody changes.  Some people never change.  And that’s their journey.  It’s not yours to try and fix it for them.” ~Unknown
In 2021 …
The post How I’ve Navigated My Grief and Guilt Since Losing My Narcissistic Father appeared first on Tiny Buddha. …

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How I Found Forgiveness and Compassion When I Felt Hurt and Betrayed

“I can bear any pain as long as it has meaning.” ~Haruki Murakami
I’ve always felt like someone on the outside. Despite having these feelings I’ve been relatively successful at playing the game of life, and have survived through school, …
The post How I Found Forgiveness and Compassion When I Felt Hurt and Betrayed appeared first on Tiny Buddha. …

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I Don’t Know Who I Am: How I’m Finding Myself Again After the Abuse

“When you turn the corner / And you run into yourself / Then you know that you have turned / All the corners that are left.” ~Langston Hughes
Nearly two years ago I left a long-term controlling and abusive relationship…
The post I Don’t Know Who I Am: How I’m Finding Myself Again After the Abuse appeared first on Tiny Buddha. …

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How I Claimed My Right to Belong While Dealing with Imposter Syndrome

TRIGGER WARNING: This post briefly references sexual abuse.
“Never hold yourself back from trying something new just because you’re afraid you won’t be good enough. You’ll never get the opportunity to do your best work if you’re not willing to …
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“But He Never Hit Me!” – How I Ignored My Abuse for 30 Years

“People only see what they are prepared to see.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Abuse is a funny thing. I don’t mean humorous, of course.
I mean the other definition of funny: difficult to explain or understand.
Abuse shouldn’t be difficult to …
The post “But He Never Hit Me!” – How I Ignored My Abuse for 30 Years appeared first on Tiny Buddha. …

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Abandonment Wounds: How to Heal Them and Feel More at Ease in Relationships

“I always wondered why it was so easy for people to leave. What I should have questioned was why I wanted so badly for them to stay.” ~Samantha King
Do you feel afraid to speak your truth or ask for …
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How I Stopped Being Everything I Hated About My Parents

“The beautiful thing about life is that you always change, grow, and get better. You aren’t defined by your past. You aren’t your mistakes.” ~Unknown
When I was an angsty fourteen-year-old, I remember screaming at my parents that I never …
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9 Things I Would Tell My Younger Self to Help Her Change Her Life

“You are one decision away from a completely different life.” ~Mel Robbins
At twenty-six years old, I lost my dad to suicide. I was heartbroken and so angry.
My dad was not the best. Ever since I was little, …
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3 Key Benefits to Forgiving and Why I Thanked My Imperfect Parents

“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” ~Marianne Williamson
The subject of forgiveness comes up often …
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5 Surefire Signs You Grew Up with an Emotionally Immature Parent

“There’s no such thing as a ‘bad kid’—just angry, hurt, tired, scared, confused, impulsive ones expressing their feelings and needs the only way they know how. We owe it to every single one of them to always remember that.” ~Dr. …
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How I Knew It Was Emotional Abuse: The Subtle Signs I Almost Missed

“I hope you find love, but more importantly, I hope you’re strong enough to walk away from what love isn’t.” ~Tiffany Tomiko
A few weeks after breaking up from what I thought was a loving relationship that in reality was …
The post How I Knew It Was Emotional Abuse: The Subtle Signs I Almost Missed appeared first on Tiny Buddha. …

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4 Things I Needed to Accept to Let Go and Heal After Trauma

TRIGGER WARNING: This post references sexual abuse and may be triggered to some people.
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you …
The post 4 Things I Needed to Accept to Let Go and Heal After Trauma appeared first on Tiny Buddha. …

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I Cheated on Him with My Higher Self (and We’re Still Going Strong)

“It’s okay to let go of those who couldn’t love you. Those who didn’t know how to. Those who failed to even try. It’s okay to outgrow them, because that means you filled the empty space in you with self-love …
The post I Cheated on Him with My Higher Self (and We’re Still Going Strong) appeared first on Tiny Buddha. …

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10 Ways to Calm Anxious Thoughts and Soothe Your Nervous System

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” ~Jack Canfield
Freezing in fear is something I have done since I was a child.
My first home was an unsafe one, living with my alcoholic granddad. Once upon a …
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Why I Had to Stop Judging Myself to Start Healing from Childhood Trauma

“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” ~Brené Brown
A few years ago, when I began recovering from childhood trauma, the first thing I learned …
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Why Codependents Don’t Trust Themselves to Make Decisions and How to Start

“Slow, soulful living is all about coming back to your truth, the only guidance you’ll ever need. When you rush, you have the tendency to follow others. When you bring in mindfulness, you have the power to align with yourself.” …
The post Why Codependents Don’t Trust Themselves to Make Decisions and How to Start appeared first on Tiny Buddha. …

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After the Assault: What I Now Know About Repressed Trauma

The small park down the street from my childhood home: friends and I spent many evenings there as teenagers. We’d watch movies on each other’s MP3 players and eat from a bag of microwave popcorn while owls hooted from the …
The post After the Assault: What I Now Know About Repressed Trauma appeared first on Tiny Buddha. …

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