codependency

The Friend I Couldn’t Fix: A Story of Love, Loss and Letting Go

TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of domestic violence and may be triggering to some.
“You can’t heal the people you love. You can’t make choices for them. You can’t rescue them.” ~Unknown
Every story starts at the beginning. But how far back should I go? Birth?
I was born at Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital in Camden, New Jersey, in May of 1972…just after three in the morning.
No, wait. That’s not morning. It’s still dark outside.
Forgive me. That’s an inside joke.
You see, just a few years ago a friend of thirty years came to … …

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Coming out of Survival Mode: How I Healed and Found Peace

“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.” ~Audre Lorde
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when I realized that I no longer needed to fight for my survival, but I do know that it came after several years of prayer, healing, and intensive work. It wasn’t an event, but rather the feeling of peace and calm that comes after a storm.
For me, the storm dissipated slowly. It was the kind of storm that kept swirling and re-emerging until I finally realized that it would take concentrated … …

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Overcoming Codependency: Breaking the Cycle of Unhealthy Relationships

“A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.” ~Melody Beattie
From a young age, I felt insecure in my own skin. I was a …
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Dealing with Unrequited Love: How I Started to Let Go and Love Myself

“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be looking for someone else to fill the void inside you, but no one will ever be able to do it.” ~Lori Deschene
I was a simple girl who met a complicated boy …
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How I’m Overcoming Codependency and the Need to Prove My Worth

“Everywhere you go, there you are.” ~Unknown
I have heard this quote many times throughout life, but that was it. I heard it, thought hmm, and moved on. Well, here I am at the age of thirty-nine, and …
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The Major Aha Moment That Helped Me Stop Fixating on Fixing Myself

“The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.” ~Maya Angelou
My newest friend ended our three-month-long friendship on a July day when I’d just returned from a dreadful summer vacation. Her Dear Jane email read, “It’s not …
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Why Codependents Don’t Trust Themselves to Make Decisions and How to Start

“Slow, soulful living is all about coming back to your truth, the only guidance you’ll ever need. When you rush, you have the tendency to follow others. When you bring in mindfulness, you have the power to align with yourself.” …
The post Why Codependents Don’t Trust Themselves to Make Decisions and How to Start appeared first on Tiny Buddha. …

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How Not Setting Boundaries Serves Our Primal Need for Acceptance

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” ~Brené Brown
I used to believe that others didn’t have healthy boundaries. They didn’t know where to draw the line, and I was the …
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5 Simple Yet Essential Self Care Tips That Can Change Your Life

“Never be ashamed to say, ‘I’m worn out. I’ve had enough. I need some time for myself.’ That isn’t being selfish. That isn’t being weak. That’s being human.” ~Topher Kearby
Years ago, my extended family, who I am very close …
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10 Signs You’re in a Toxic, Unhealthy Relationship and How to Help Yourself

“Love is never any better than the lover. Wicked people love wickedly, violent people love violently, weak people love weakly…the lover alone possesses his gift of love.” ~Toni Morrison
Not all relationships are created equal. Some rage in like a …
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3 Painful Consequences to Overgiving and People-Pleasing

People-pleasing, overhelping, overgiving—we can give it lots of different names, but the consequences to putting yourself last all the time are generally the same.
You may have been raised to see giving and helping as virtuous things. And hear me …
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How I’ve Stopped Attracting One-Sided Relationships That Leave Me Feeling Empty

“Curiosity will save your soul.” ~Danielle LaPorte
When I was a young girl about age five, my mother volunteered weekly at a nursing home. Because she was a stay-at-home mom, I was required to tag along with her.
While she …
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How I Stopped Worrying All the Time and Started Feeling Good About Life

“We don’t see things as they are. We see things as we are.” ~Anais Nin
When I was young, I used to stare out into the big, blue sky and ask, “Is this really the right place?” “Did they drop …
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Please Don’t Fix Me: What True Empathy Is (And Isn’t)

“No one mentioned until I was in late middle age that—horribly!—my good, helpful ideas for other grown-ups were not helpful. That my help was in fact sometimes toxic. That people needed to defend themselves from my passionate belief that I …
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When It’s Time to Stop Helping Others and Help Ourselves

“Do your best and be okay with that.” ~Ursula Wharton
Late one evening I was doing some work at the last minute when my phone buzzed with a text from Alex, my neighbor’s partner. They said they were rushing over …
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3 Questions Every People-Pleaser Should Ask Before Making a Decision

“The one thing you learn is when you can step out of your comfort zone and be uncomfortable, you see what you’re made of and who you are.” ~Sue Bird
I am a recovering people-pleaser.
I grew up in a …
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How I’m Healing from Codependency After Growing Up with an Alcoholic Parent

“The only person you can now or ever change is yourself. The only person that it is your business to control is yourself.” ~Melody Beattie
In 2019, I decided to leave my marriage and start over. Although my relationship with …
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Why I Couldn’t Find Love and What Helped Me (That Might Help You Too)

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start from where you are and change the end.” ~C.S. Lewis 
It was a dark January day in 2008 when my auntie called with the news “He did it.”…
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